Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
