Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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