Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
