im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
