Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
