I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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