I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
