Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
