she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
