You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well I just put wine in my tea
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
