She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
