Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
