He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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