Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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