those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
