Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
