I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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