I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She is in my trunk
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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