I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
