Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
