I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
