people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
