My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize