there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
