awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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