If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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