That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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