The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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