hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
