I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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