ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
