i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
