There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
