I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
