So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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