I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
