Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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