I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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