i think my tv is drunk
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just invented taco cereal.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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