Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
