if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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