My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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