escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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