Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
