I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you traded sex for a burrito?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
