I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
