You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
