So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
