he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
