i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
