Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
