Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
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