i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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